Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
