They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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