I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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