having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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