Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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