I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful