you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober