thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
