Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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