love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So squirting runs in the family.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
