idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
