Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
