Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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