I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
