she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
