Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
