We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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