Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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