do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
