Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
