If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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