if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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