This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
