The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
