You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is wine microwaveable?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
