Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
