Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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