I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
