Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
