grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
