i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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