Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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