i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
