C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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