can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
