I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My cat gives me a boner
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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