I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
as a side note pls kill me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
