go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
