from now on my penis is your penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize