i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
