I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
