It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
do nipples grow back?
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