Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
