Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
