he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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