He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
