ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
