just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
