I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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