if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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