why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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