...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
