I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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