So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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