And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
