conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
