hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
