He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
