This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
