chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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