He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
