Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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