she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
