I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
