before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
