speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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