I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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