I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
