i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize