Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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