just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
