How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
