I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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