New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
