now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
