i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
