Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
