I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
