He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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