a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
